Indigenous Day, 1492: Premature birth of an early navigation contraption.
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Columbus Vulture: "I said INDIA, Crow!!! What the hell is that contraption you got up there?"
Crow: "GPS."
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Columbus Day, 2015
Wiley “Kayak” Crow: In front of the class implementing his lesson plan The Idiot's Guide to Stealing History.
"Class. What did
Columbus NOT discover?"
Student Chick:
"That he was an idiot?"
Wiley “Kayak” Crow: "What DID
Columbus discover?"
Student Chick #2: "His ability as a conman?"
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Columbus Day: The Dilemma
As a source of famous myths, Christopher Columbus is right up there with Santa Clause. His existence as a heroic figure is proof that some humans will believe anything.
The irony of Columbus Day is that
it started in the Caribbean with excellent storytellers, the Taino. Six million
Amerindians who populated the Bahamas, Cuba, Jamaica, Puerto Rico, the Virgin
Islands and a part of Florida. Their powers of mythological storytelling was so
convincing that Columbus and his Spanish entourage, arriving on October in
1492, believed every sign language gesture of the Taino Epic about the mythical travels of their first shaman, the
hero named Guahayona (Gwa-ha-yo-nah).
Upon Columbus' arrival in the Lucayan Taino's Bahamas, the Taino sat him down
and tried to entertain his gold and women hungry entourage with persistent
myths. And the gullible Spanish left, believing in the Guahayona epic, later
died in the hundreds trying to find these islands of the "Celestial
Paradise". The myth itself was later recorded by Father Ramon Pane on the
large island of Kiskeya (Hispaniola). But in 1492, not yet knowing the Taino
language except mostly through Amerindian signing, Columbus came away with the
understanding of a source of endless gold, women and men ripe for enslavement.
So goes the Federal Government's and Christian hero (St. Christopher) and his
controversial holy-day.
Needed Revision
Christopher Columbus'
fame should be revised. At best, he was a conman. Notice how he presented his
scam to the king and queen of Spain. Ferdinand did not buy the route to India
pitch; Isabella, like the rest of Europe did. The scramble was on following the
Taino Amerindian myth of an Island of Women (Matanino) and a twin Island of Gold (14k Guanin). To the Spanish, the bait was so seductive that other
life-taking myths ensued.
1. La California was a
story by "Spanish writer Garci Rodríguez de Montalvo who first introduced an
Amazon queen in his popular novel entitled Las
sergas de Esplandián (The Adventures of Esplandián), written around
1500" –(Wikipedia). This became the popular novel about a Black queen, Califia, with her Amazons residing on an
Island of Gold. This published tale
was believed by Hernan Cortez, who named the California Mountain, which he
thought was Califia's abode. For Cortez, the only thing missing from Califia's
abode, were the protective Griffins that should have been flying over that tall
La California "island".
2. Las Siete Ciudades de Cibola was the Seven Cities of Gold. It was believed
to be just a skip and a jump from California into the Zuni territory in New
Mexico.
3. El Dorado was supposedly in Columbia, South America. The Amazon
River was named for the above Matanino/Guanin Taino myth, since women warriors
had shot up their boat;.
4. The Fountain of Eternal Youth was an early
Viagra wish that followed Puerto Rican Taino guidance to their trading place on
the North American mainland, Bimini, a.k.a. La Florida.
The Persistent Myth
Columbus Day is a
divisive federal holiday. Not recognized by many, it stands as a reminder that
it officially emanates from the Nation's Capital, the District of Columbia
which actually means the "Jurisdiction of Columbus". The holy-day
honors a man of questionable slave-holding character, a poor administrator and
an Italian mercenary. One suspects that the federal government only prolongs
the misinformation about him to satisfy Italian immigrants at the expense of
Native Americans. It is equivalent to a federal F-U to Amerindian Day.
Columbus Day is
celebrated in the wrong hemisphere. Should he be celebrated in the Americas? In
Europe, maybe, but definitely not in the Americas! Amerindians are still here
and celebrating a man responsible for their holocaust is, to say the least,
cruel and unusual punishment. He was a windfall for Spain and the other countries
that successfully followed them into the Antilles and benefited from its
exploitation. Natural resources-poor Europe became and stayed filthy rich over Amerindian corpses. It is not as if Spain did not immediately know it’s
devastating effect on the indigenous Caribbean populations. Spanish cleric,
Frey Bartolome de las Casas fought for the "Indios", but suggested
the replacement of their dead and dwindling numbers with enslaved Africans. One
evil replacing another. De las Casas' idea became so popular that it continued
up until after the American Civil War and after Brazil's final emancipation of
enslaved Africans.
Columbus Day is a slap
in the face of Native Americans and Amerindians who probably compose the
majority DNA in our hemisphere. Federal workers don't mind the day off while
some retailers have a sales bonanza. The day is aptly suited to entrepreneurs
and is in keeping with Columbus' goals, how to make a buck no matter what the
cost to workers. In Columbus’ case, he was responsible for igniting the
Amerindian enslavement and the pilfering of their goods. Ever the gold digger,
he settled for a form of slavery that triggered genocide. Yet he is given a
haloed position and a bonus day on North American soil. He was definitely not
the first to "discover America" as school children are taught. According
to historical data, he was at least 12th in the line of notable groups of
people thousands of years ahead of him. Whether myth or fact, evidence shows
that most of the at least 12 earlier arrivals were Asians, some were Africans
and Middle-easterners and two were Europeans.
FACTS:
We know that Columbus
headed one of a series of humans that arrived in the Americas. In the Americas,
he could not have discovered anyone in the true meaning of the word "discovery".
Yet, he is credited by many as a demigod whose feats rival the Biblical
Creation of one half of the planet. In the imagination of some thinkers after
1492, our hemisphere, like Venus, the "New World" was born fully
formed on a specific day of October that year. As a holdover from the era of
idiotic "supremacy", this ancient part of the planet is still being
called "new". What was Columbus actually responsible for?
1. He was the first to
suggest the European form of slavery in the Americas.
2. He spearheaded the
near eradication of the six million strong Taino people of the Northern
Caribbean and their Island Carib cousins in the Eastern Caribbean
3. He brought deadly
epidemics on the populations of the Americas.
4. Founding myths are
taught to each successive generation as "history".
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